


marauders one shots

by mhawkridge



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), One Shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:42:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28864971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mhawkridge/pseuds/mhawkridge
Summary: a collection of marauders era one shots, all written by me :) one shots will range anywhere from canon compliant to AUs, angst to fluff, and absolutely everywhere in between.disclaimer: i do not support jk rowling or her transphobic views.
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67





	1. the damage you dealt (wolfstar)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! this is just a short little drabble, i got the idea in my head just last night and decided to write this really quickly while i work on a longer wolfstar chapter :)

sirius black had hurt remus lupin three times in his life.

there had been times, of course, when sirius had upset him. they’d known each other for over twenty years, so sometimes it was inevitable. but to make him feel true pain, something that hurt him a million times more than transforming into a werewolf ever could, was truly a rarity. and sirius hadn’t managed to do it just once, but three times.

the first time had been during their fifth year of hogwarts, in 1974. 

remus lupin had woken up after the full moon to find himself alone in the shrieking shack, his left eye bloody and his vision blurry. his entire body ached, and when he attempted to move, all he could feel was the searing pain of wounds cut deep into his skin.

this wasn’t right, he had thought. his friends were supposed to be here with him, something had gone wrong.

when he had gotten to the hospital wing, the first thing he noticed was sirius, unable to look him in the eyes. his heart dropped, and all he could feel was fear.

then by his bedside, james had explained everything to remus, and his entire world fell apart.

remus had trusted sirius with his biggest secret, and his darkest fear. and sirius had gone and betrayed him like that, he’d been the very cause of remus’s biggest fear turning true. how could sirius have done this to him?

they were going to lock him up. snape was going to tell everyone, and he was going to be expelled from hogwarts, and they were going to lock him up forever, probably bonding him to silver chains just to make a mockery of him. once the ministry discovered one was a werewolf, it was all over for them. it wouldn’t be any different for remus.

remus didn’t remember much of what happened after james had told him. he remembered his head throbbing, and his throat burning, and him leaving the hospital wing in such a hurry that by the time he’d returned to the common room, he was limping. but one thought had stuck with him, even years later.

he would never forgive sirius black.

except he did, because how could he ever even think about ending their friendship?

it had taken months for him to finally come around to sirius, for him to smile and tell him it was okay when sirius apologized instead of brushing right past him, but eventually, they made up. they always were going to - remus found himself coming back to sirius again and again, time after time. he’d always questioned why, but years later, he realized that his love for sirius would always be greater than any form of hate he harbored.

and so it became water under the bridge.

the second time had been on november 3rd, 1981.

remus had been on the other side of the country when it had all went down, on business for the order of the phoenix. he could never have imagined coming home to the news that had taken place, never in a million years.

and he never would have guessed that sirius black, the man whom he had loved and whom he had hated himself for loving, had been the one behind it. 

when remus had entered the flat that he and sirius shared, he had come with a cake that read “happy birthday, padfoot.” even if james, lily, and peter couldn’t make it this year, sirius still deserved a celebration. 

but when he had entered his flat, he’d seen albus dumbledore standing in his living room, and he’d known in that moment that something was wrong.

“why are you here?” he’d said, putting the box that held his cake on the table beside the front door. “what’s happened?”

“too much, remus,” dumbledore replied, shaking his head sadly. “too much.”

and for the second time in his life, he found that he could do nothing but listen as someone else told him everything, and his entire world fell apart.

except this time, it had hurt him a million times more than the prank ever could have. remus had never felt a pain like what this was before, and this time, he had actually gone and lost everything. his best friend and his wife, one of his closest friends, and…

sirius, remus had thought. oh, sirius. the person he had wanted to give everything to, now in azkaban for selfish, unthinkable acts. and remus hated him, he hated him more than anyone else in the world.

which only made him feel more terrible, because he still loved sirius. everything hurt because he still loved sirius, and he hadn’t known it until now, until it was too late to act upon his feelings.

all he wanted was for the pain to stop. all he wanted was to go back to when they were 11, and to do everything over again, to stop sirius from doing everything he had done.

one thought from that day stuck with him; he would never forgive sirius black.

dumbledore left the flat shortly after telling remus everything, leaving the heartbroken boy alone in a house of memories. and remus broke down, wanting it all to be over already. 

the cake on the table was left untouched for weeks, until remus could finally bring himself to throw it away. the last trace of how things had been before sirius’s arrest.

and just like that, it was gone. all of it. the memories, the love, the last glimpses of childhood and sweet, innocent youth… gone.

remus was left alone, with nothing and no one, for twelve years.

in 1994, that night in the shrieking shack had changed everything.

remus had been so wrong, so foolish, to think that his closest friend would betray him like that. and when everything clicked into place, all he could feel was the overwhelming guilt.

so once again, he found himself forgiving sirius for everything. after all, they were always going to make up. above everything else, they were friends, and nothing sirius black ever did could cause remus to hate him.

except remus turned out to be wrong about that, too.

nothing sirius had ever done, nothing, could compare to how much he had hurt remus the third and final time.

the third time was june 18th, 1996, in the ministry of magic.

for sirius black had gone and died on him, leaving him alone when he should have lived to be so much older.

remus didn’t have the words to describe the pain that that day brought upon him, and for the rest of his life, he wouldn’t be able to find them. all he could bear to think about were the facts, or he’d be sent into a spiral.

sirius black was gone. sirius black was gone, and remus had loved him. sirius black was gone, and remus had never told him that he loved him. sirius black was gone, and remus hadn’t gotten enough time with him. he’d had twenty five years, and it would never be enough.

remus spent every single moment of the rest of his life thinking that he would never forgive sirius.

and as he faced death in the eye nearly two years later, he realized that this time he had been correct.


	2. it's been a long, long time (wolfstar)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally a somewhat happy one shot! an AU where sirius isn't sent to azkaban and he and remus raise get to raise harry (aka how it should've always been). i recommend listening to the song "it's been a long, long time" by harry james and his orchestra while you read :)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iP0tHmoc1rs

it was all finally over.

the nightmares, the fear, the missions.

just like that, it was over.

the war had ended, and for the first time in years, sirius black finally allowed himself to rest. it was all okay. he was going to be okay.

he wished so desperately that he could say the same for lily and james.

as expected, they had gone down fighting, devoted to protecting their child even if it meant giving up their lives. and they’d done just that.

james had been the first to go, his body found just by the front door of the house. he’d probably tried to hold off voldemort, probably told lily to take harry and go, and sacrificed his life in the hope that they would be okay.

in the end, only one of them had survived.

lily had gone next. and it was clear she’d done everything she could to protect harry, fighting with everything she had up until the very end. sirius had expected no less.

peter had been arrested, of course. they’d gone after sirius first, but once he was underneath the effects of veritaserum, the truth had come out. sirius black was an innocent man, and peter pettigrew the traitor that the entire order had feared. so the aurors had gone after him, and after a search that lasted several days he was now sentenced to a life in azkaban. what a sweet, sweet victory. james and lily may not have survived, but at least they had gotten the justice they deserved.

and then there was harry. harry potter, the boy who lived. sirius black’s godson.

no one was sure of how he’d survived, but sirius was so, so glad he did. all anyone knew was that one moment, voldemort had been alive, and the next moment, he had vanished, leaving a scar on harry’s forehead. not all of the potters were gone, not yet. he didn’t have to let go of the family who had done so much for him.

and it was his turn to return the favor.

going to lily and james’s place in godric’s hollow had been the hardest thing that sirius had ever done. he’d heard the news, but he didn’t think he could bear to face it himself. he’d have to accept what had happened, and he wasn’t sure he was ready, not yet.

but he’d gone anyways, because he knew harry was still there, and who the hell was gonna raise the kid if not sirius? he’d run into hagrid there, and he was told that harry was to live with his aunt petunia and uncle vernon. but there was no way in hell that was happening, not if sirius had anything to do with it. so he’d taken a quill and a piece of parchment paper, and written a letter to dumbledore. he didn’t remember what much of it said, he had been far too angry. however, he had used quite explicit words. whatever. not like he owed dumbledore an apology.

and so that issue was resolved. sirius had taken harry into his arms and gotten them both away from godric’s hollow. everything was okay now.

sirius made a promise to himself right then and there. from that moment on, he would do everything in his power to protect harry, he would always be there for him and give the boy the best life he could possibly have. he’d give harry the childhood that he’d always wished for, and he would do his best to make james proud.

as sirius looked at the boy in front of him, all he felt was love. even so young, he was the spitting image of james and lily, his eyes as bright green as his mother’s and his hair as messy as his father’s. he was perfect.

now he stood outside the door to remus’s flat, holding his godson in his arms as his heart pounded. this was it, this was going to be their new life.

“alright, harry, you ready to meet uncle moony?” sirius said, giving the boy a grin. harry looked back with a smile of his own on his face, which sirius took as a yes.

and he was ready.

• • •

remus missed sirius.

their flat was a lot more quiet with his best friend gone, and while remus enjoyed the peace, it was also very unsettling. it wasn’t right for one of them to be there without the other, he thought. of course, it was also his own fault for going away on a mission the night before halloween. but still, sirius should’ve been back by now. tomorrow was his birthday, for god’s sake! remus had spent the whole afternoon wondering where he was, pacing back and forth across the living room while the crackling of the muggle radio in the background kept him company. he could send an owl, maybe, but he didn’t know where sirius was. besides, it would take too much time. it was probably better to just wait it out, though remus couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in his chest. 

then there was a knock on the door, but remus thought it couldn’t be sirius. sirius had the key to the flat; he never knocked. who was it, then?

but when he opened the door, there was sirius, and the sleeping child in his arms immediately explained why he’d had to knock.

remus studied harry for a moment, and then raised an eyebrow at sirius. “i imagine there’s a logical explanation as to why you disappeared for a few days and came back with lily and james’s boy?”

then he looked sirius in the eyes for the first time, and the realization hit him - something had gone wrong. terribly, terribly wrong.

“oh, sirius,” remus whispered, bringing a hand to the other man’s face. “what happened?”

“they’re gone,” sirius said, his voice strained. “they’re gone, moony.”

and remus felt his heart shatter in two. “no... not james and lily...” he couldn’t think of anything else to say. why them? they were so, so young, they had so much of their lives left to live. it wasn’t fair. 

a tear slipped down sirius’s face and onto remus’s hand as they stood there together, two young boys in a cruel world. “the war’s over,” sirius said at last. “voldemort’s dead - he died trying to kill harry.”

“of course he did,” remus said, pulling his hand away so that he could wipe away the tears forming in his own eyes. “they’d never let him get their son.”

“no,” sirius sniffed, shaking his head as he looked down at the baby in his arms. “they wouldn’t.” it was quiet for a moment more. “we have to take care of him, y’know.”

and remus knew it was true, but the words sent him into a panic. he quickly shook his head, terror overtaking him. “no,” he said, backing up. “sirius, are you mental? we can’t.”

“they would’ve wanted us to,” sirius started, but remus didn’t want to hear it.

“they would’ve wanted you to,” remus said. “you think they’d want someone like me near their son?” he didn’t even have to elaborate on what he was talking about, sirius would know. outside of his lycanthropy, though, there were other reasons as to why remus didn’t want to raise harry. he’d be an absolutely terrible father, why didn’t sirius realize that?

sirius’s face fell when remus went there. “remus, they trusted you with their lives. your condition doesn’t change anything.”

remus shook his head. “i can’t do this,” he said, and now his entire body was shaking. his breathing became quicker, his head throbbing. 

“yes, you can,” sirius said, but it wasn’t that simple. there was so much more to it that he didn’t understand.

“no, sirius!” remus said. “i can’t! i’m not ready to raise a child yet!”

“well, you’re going to have to try,” sirius shot back, but they were both interrupted. harry had woken up, and he was quite unhappy as he cried and cried. remus’s eyes widened. leave it to him to make the baby cry within the first five seconds of seeing him. “bloody hell, what’s wrong with him?”

“i don’t know!” remus yelled, but he’d already narrowed it down to a couple of options. “did you change his diaper?”

“right before i got here,” sirius said, and he looked at the baby as though he were a foreign object. clearly, he had no idea what he was doing.

“then he needs food, you git!” remus snapped. how was sirius expecting to raise a child when he didn’t remember to feed him? 

“i’ll go make him a sandwich or something, then,” sirius said, on his way to the kitchen. remus grabbed his hand before he even had the chance.

“you can’t make a sandwich for a fucking baby! his teeth have barely just grown in.”

“what am i supposed to do, then?”

“make him oatmeal or something, i don’t know!”

“okay, i will,” sirius said. and he slipped harry into remus’s arms before disappearing into the kitchen. remus froze in place, unable to move. shit. now he had a baby in his arms, and no idea how to comfort him.

he made his way over to the couch, cradling harry in his arms as he sat down. he was still screaming, but now his eyes were wide, almost curious, as he examined the young man in front of him. remus’s heart stung for just a moment - james’s eyes used to do the same thing when he was curious. but then he snapped out of it when he remembered that it would be his job to calm the baby down, at least until his food was ready.

he held onto harry tightly at first, terrified that if he let go of him something would go terribly wrong. but harry only cried more at this, so remus loosened his grip he had on the child’s back. to his surprise, the boy immediately calmed down. remus began to bounce him up and down, gently patting his back as he did so.

“shhhh,” he whispered to the boy. “shhhh, it’s okay, your uncle moony’s got you.” that had been what james had called him when harry was first born, and remus suspected that was going to be far from the last time he was called that. “it’s okay, harry.” and just like that, harry was quiet, staring up at remus with his gorgeous eyes. lily’s eyes. finally, remus could hear the radio again in the back, beautiful boy by john lennon playing. remus had never been the biggest fan of john lennon, but as he looked at harry, he could see why the man had written the song. harry truly was beautiful.

and then sirius broke the silence from where he was standing, at the edge of the room with a bowl of oatmeal. “wow. how’d you shut him up?”

remus sighed, though he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. “i have no idea. come on, we’ve got to feed him.”

and so half an hour later harry was passed out in the spare room, well fed and happy. once sirius closed the door to the room, he raised an eyebrow at remus. “what did you say about not being ready to raise a child, again?”

• • •

harry had slept through most of the afternoon and the evening, leaving sirius and remus alone. sirius had changed the station playing on the radio, though, and now remus was hearing i let a song go out of my heart. leave it to sirius to always put on older songs, bloody sap.

they sat on the couch together in silence, the song being the only thing either of them heard as remus read through the copy of the daily prophet that sirius had brought for him. he’d felt somewhat caught up on everything he’d missed while away, thank god.

“so,” remus finally said, his head turning to sirius. “it’s over. the war’s really over.” and sirius nodded as the two made eye contact, finally allowing himself to smile. “i don’t believe it. sirius, we won.”

“yeah,” sirius said. “yeah, we did.”

“no more missions. no more order. it can just... be us,” remus said as the music in the background changed. the trumpets of it’s been a long, long time echoed throughout the room, and for a moment, one beautiful moment, it was as though they were kids again.

sirius stood up, and next thing remus knew he was being pulled into sirius’s arms. “come on, moony, dance with me.”

“sirius!” remus exclaimed, his entire face becoming warm. “you know i don’t dance!”

“then you’ll have to make an exception for me,” sirius said, wrapping his arms around remus’s waist. remus’s first reaction was to push sirius away - he was far too tall and awkward for this. but after a moment, he allowed himself to rest his chin on sirius’s shoulder, grasping onto the other boy’s upper back. maybe he could get used to this. they spun around slowly, and all remus felt was love for the person who was holding him. if the rest of his life could be like this, then so be it.

_“never thought that you would be, standing here so close to me._ ”

“just think about it, moony,” sirius said. “there’s so much we can do now. travel the world, see the stars-”

_“there’s so much i feel that i should say. but words can wait until some other day.”_

“raise a child?” remus said, an eyebrow shooting up.

“so you’ve agreed to doing it?” sirius said. remus just sighed.

“possibly,” remus said quickly. the whole thing still made him nervous, even if he loved the little boy.

_“kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again. it’s been a long, long time.”_

“i have something to tell you, sirius,” remus suddenly said, pulling his head away so that they were looking at each other. he wasn’t sure what had possessed him in that moment to say it, but he knew he couldn’t wait a second longer. “should’ve said it a long time ago, but i was scared.”

“you can tell me anything, remus,” sirius replied quietly, his hand taking remus’s and squeezing it. everything felt different. remus was sure sirius could feel his heart beating against his chest, and he realized he had to do this.

_“haven’t felt like this my dear since, can’t remember when. it’s been a long, long time.”_

and finally, remus said it, he said the words that had been overdue for years. “i’m in love with you,” he got out, suddenly shaking against sirius’s body. to his surprise, sirius didn’t seem disgusted, or upset, and he didn’t try to pull away. he just seemed surprised. and yet, they danced on. “i’ve been in love with you for years, and i meant to tell you sooner, but i was terrified, sirius. then the war happened, and it became unimportant. but, if you’re serious about this - raising harry, i mean - then i figured you should know.”

_“you’ll never know how many dreams i dreamed about you, or just how empty they all seemed without you.”_

for a second, the entire world around them was quiet. remus’s nerves overtook him as he watched sirius, waiting for any kind of reaction.

and then sirius laughed, and then he smiled, his eyes lighting up the entire room. his eyes reminded remus of the stars - perhaps that was why he’d been named sirius. “oh, remus,” he said, pulling him closer than before. “how could i not love you back?”

and then sirius grabbed remus’s face, pulling him down so that their heads were at the same level. and then he kissed him.

he kissed him, and bloody hell, it was even better than remus could’ve ever imagined. it was as though their lips were made to kiss one another’s, and as they pulled away he found that he couldn’t stop smiling. it had been the most perfect moment of his life. why had he ever waited so long?

relief washed over remus, and maybe it was his imagination that made the world around him seem brighter. he’d finally done it, he’d gone and said it, and not only did sirius not hate him, but he loved him back. remus lupin was the luckiest bloody person in the world.

_“so kiss me once, then kiss me twice.”_

“so then we’ll raise harry,” sirius said after a moment, his arms sliding back around remus’s waist again. “together?” 

remus kissed him again, and when he pulled away, he knew his decision had been made. he nodded.

“together.”

_“then kiss me once again, it’s been a long, long time.”_

and the two lovers danced long into the night, knowing a new chapter of their lives had just begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope y'all liked this! as a marvel fan, i saw the opportunity and i took it ;)


	3. why'd you only call me when you're high? (jegulus)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based off of the song "why'd you only call me when you're high" by arctic monkeys.

this had been dragging on for far too long now.

it had first started back in march of regulus’s fifth year. that day was james potter’s 16th birthday, and his friends always made it very well known. every march 26th for the last five years was always spent singing happy birthday to him in the great hall, though regulus never joined in. no point doing so when he barely knew the boy. his breakfast had been perfectly normal, aside from all of the singing. 

until it wasn’t anymore.

as regulus had gotten up to leave the great hall, he’d felt a hand on his shoulder. when he’d turned around, he was standing face to face with none other than james potter. his chest had immediately tightened. there were hundreds of other kids in the hall; what did this boy want with _him?_ “hey, regulus, ‘m having a party in the gryffindor common room later. you should come.” regulus blinked long and hard at this, stunned that he was being spoken to. something was going on here, but he couldn’t quite figure it out.

“okay,” he’d said, because what else could he reply with? “what time-” he’d begun to say, but james had already left.

if only james had known how those words would change their lives.

so regulus made his way to the common room later that night, without the faintest clue as to what he was doing. he’d spent the whole day contemplating the invitation, wondering whether or not it was worth it to go. eventually, he’d decided that if anything, he might finally get a chance to talk to his brother again. that alone was worth going for, nevermind what james had wanted with him. they hadn’t gotten to talking much since sirius had left, with fair reason. their last conversation hadn’t been a pleasant one. regulus wanted to act as if sirius had been completely in the wrong, but it was just as much his fault as it was his brother’s. oftentimes, he would remember the argument in his head and wish that he’d said something different. he shouldn’t have gotten so angry when sirius refused to stay - he should’ve understood, and been a supportive younger brother. the guilt of it all still lived with regulus. maybe this party would be his chance to make things right.

that was what regulus told himself as he approached the entrance to the common room. this was his chance to sort things out with sirius, not an odd invitation from james potter that had come out of nowhere. though regulus was curious to see if james wanted anything with him. he supposed he’d find it all out tonight.

he entered the scene behind a group of sixth year ravenclaws, all chattering excitedly as they approached the party that was already in full swing. so he had been late, then. _oh well,_ regulus thought, studying every single part of the common room. _i’m here now._ he’d never been in here before. it was much different from his own house’s common room, but he loved it in a weird way. he could never imagine himself as a gryffindor, of course, but the house itself still interested him. 

once regulus was satisfied with his study of the room, he averted his focus to the crowd within it. he began to make his way through what must’ve been a hundred students, glancing at the backs of heads for his older brother. _this is why you came,_ he reminded himself. _to look for sirius._

but regulus didn’t have so much as the chance to even talk to sirius that night. right in front of him stepped james potter, grinning like an idiot. he’d clearly been smoking something, judging from the smell of his clothes and the way he presented himself. “aye, reg, you made it!” he said, slapping him on the back. regulus was quick to back away from him, never one to respond well to touch. 

“don’t call me that,” regulus mumbled, staring down at the floor. this entire thing was way out of his comfort zone - from the loudness to the smoking to the drinking to everything going on around him. he hated it. _this is the last time i’m ever going to a party._

“right, sorry,” james said, though he didn’t seem sorry at all. then, he spoke again, clearly paying attention to the way regulus was acting. “it’s awfully loud in here, isn’t it?”

regulus had looked around at this. “yeah,” he yelled over the crowd. “yeah, it is.”

“wanna get out of here?” james raised an eyebrow at him. regulus’s heart nearly dropped to his stomach.

his first instinct was to say no - he _should be saying no._ he’d come here for sirius, not for james. he didn’t even know what james wanted with him! the only thing he did know was that he had never been more confused by anything. he was supposed to be saying no right now - but regulus didn’t. because sirius was nowhere in sight, and after all, he had wanted to know what james wanted with him.

“sure,” regulus replied, heart nearly beating out of control. he was nervous - why was he nervous? - and he tried not to let it show as he looked james in the eye. james didn’t notice. 

“alright, let’s go then,” james said, grabbing onto regulus’s hand. he wasn’t sure what it was, but regulus let him touch him this time.

james took him upstairs, right to the stairwell between the common room and the dorms. when he closed the door behind the two of them, all of the talking immediately became muffled, and relief washed over regulus. it had been getting quite overwhelming downstairs, and this was nicer, much nicer.

“so what are you doing here?” james said after a moment, leaning against the wall as he looked down at regulus. that threw regulus for a loop - he couldn’t _believe_ what he was hearing.

“you.. invited me, in case you forgot,” regulus said, trying his best to keep his composure. the amount of self restraint it was taking him not to roll his eyes was incredible.

“well, yeah, but i didn’t think you’d show up,” james replied, as though that were obvious. “everyone knows regulus black doesn’t show up to things unless he’s got a good reason to.”

those words had come directly from sirius’s mouth at one point in their lives; regulus wondered if sirius had been the one to tell james that. it stung a little, but regulus tried hard not to think about it at all. “alright, well... i came here to see sirius, i guess, but-”

“oh, he’s nowhere to be found,” james said. “i checked earlier.”

“oh.” his heart dropped at that. was sirius avoiding him? was that what this was? “i see.”

“sorry about that,” james said. “you can leave then, if you want.”

for some strange reason, regulus didn’t want that.

“no,” he shook his head, looking up at the taller boy. “i’ll stay.”

“oh. okay then,” james said cheerily. he didn’t seem to be entirely thinking straight, though regulus knew it was the drugs.

“why’d you want me at your party, anyways?” regulus replied. it wasn’t like they were friends, and james didn’t seem to want to do anything in particular. the whole thing was strange.

james shrugged. “lotta reasons for it.”

“such as…?” he raised an eyebrow.

and to his surprise, james laughed. “god, you blacks. you’re all clueless, aren’t you?”

his face turned bright red as he tried to sort out what james was trying to tell him. something was there, some sort of clue that might have given him the answer, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it was. “james, what..”

he didn’t have the chance to finish his question. for the next second, james’s lips were crashing onto his.

any logical person would’ve pushed james away the second this had happened. they would’ve looked him in the eye and asked him what the bloody hell he was doing, and then rushed back down the stairs so that they’d never have to see him again. but in that moment, regulus was feeling anything but logical. there was something about james, something about the way that he kissed him, that was absolutely intoxicating, and regulus needed more of it. whatever this was.. he allowed it to happen. he shivered as james’s fingers traced his jawline, his other hand wrapping around regulus’s waist and pulling him close, and he kissed back with just as much intensity. this wasn’t just something he wanted, it was something that was necessary. james deepened the kiss, his lips moving against regulus’s in a way that was just right.

 _oh, bloody hell,_ he realized as james pulled away, panting as his eyes hungrily traced over regulus’s body. _i’m queer._

“you want to take this somewhere else?” james asked, and regulus nodded at once, powerless to resist.

and as they had made their way into james’s dorm room, locking the door behind them and casting a silencing spell, regulus couldn’t help but study james. and then james took his shirt off, and it was all over for regulus as he lay down on the bed and james climbed on top of him.

_i’m definitely queer._

how had he not realized this earlier?

• • •

it happened often after that, but never on regulus’s terms. it was only ever when james wanted it, and it only happened in the shadows, where no one would find them.

it didn’t take a genius for regulus to realize that he and james weren’t on the same terms. to regulus, this meant everything. it had helped him to realize that he wasn’t straight, that he didn’t want the life that his family had laid out for him. and for james, it was a casual hookup that he thought nothing of. it hurt him every time james left, but regulus let him hurt him. even if they’d had just this, it was enough for him. regulus could survive a lifetime on what james had given him, if he’d wanted to. he just wished the other boy could say the same.

their hookups were random, and could happen anywhere. from broom closets to the quidditch showers to empty classrooms to james’s dorm, regulus was sure they’d toured the entire school by now. no experience of theirs was the same.

the only consistency among them was that whenever it happened, james was always high.

regulus knew it was bad, he knew it had to stop, but he didn’t care. james potter wanted him, and that was all that mattered to him - even if the sober version of james didn’t. he’d often catch james glancing at him from across the hallway, as though he ached to say something, but the words never came. their only interactions happened in the dark, hidden away from everything else.

until one day in late may, when regulus finally got the courage to tell james everything.

his idea of how to end things had initially been to distance himself from james. he wasn’t sure why he’d thought it would work.

“having bad ideas, james?” regulus asked as james pulled him out of the common room. darkness surrounded them as they looked at each other in the dungeons, with only dimly lit torches lighting their way. 

“i need this right now,” james begged, taking his hands, and regulus did feel a sting of pity for him as he looked over the boy. he looked a mess, his hair sticking up every single way and dark circles lining his eyes. he’d been smoking a lot, and regulus didn’t even need to smell his clothes to know that. but in a moment, any sympathy he had for him disappeared as he pulled his hands away.

“it’s 3 in the morning,” regulus snapped. to put it simply, he really wasn’t in the mood.

“come on, reg,” james said pleadingly, taking a step towards him. an emotion that regulus couldn't quite read crossed over james’s face when he backed away.

“no,” regulus said. he’d finally done it. he’d made his decision, and there was no going back. if he wasn’t so angry, he’d be proud of himself. “i’m not going to keep doing something that’s going to hurt me.”

“hurt you? reg, what-“

“don’t play dumb with me, potter!” regulus said in a quiet voice, fearful that someone might hear him. “for the past several months, you’ve been treating this like it’s nothing, like- like _i’m_ nothing. you don’t really care about me, not like that,” he rolled his eyes. and of course, james tried to oblige, because james potter always got his way.

“i _do_ care, reg!” he protested, trying to put a hand on regulus’s cheek. and in the next moment, regulus snapped.

“then why’s it only happen when you’re high?” he screamed at last, shoving james off of him as hard as he could. james fell onto the floor, stunned as he watched him. regulus was sure no one had ever seen him so angry before, but he didn’t care. he took in a deep, heavy breath, grateful that he was finally cutting this off. he’d gotten too addicted to it, too reliant, but it was better now than never. and in that moment, he got to say the two words that he should’ve said at the beginning.

“we’re _done_.”

and so he turned around, retreating into the safety of the common room. the last words he heard from james were ones begging for forgiveness.

“reg, wait-“

but it was too late. the door had closed behind him, and regulus was glad to finally be free of this chapter in his life, the one where he had learned everything but gained nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! sorry it took me forever to update. life update, i've started a full length marauders fanfic that's up on my profile right now if you all are interested :) so, i've been pretty busy with that.  
> my gosh, thank you all so so much for over 500 reads. it's very, very appreciated. i'm so sorry that all of my jegulus content is so sad haha. i'd promise you guys a happy jegulus one shot buuuuut.. that's kinda hard to do when the ship itself is a tragedy. still, more to come soon, i promise!


	4. broadway, here i come! (marauders)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! this is an american high school AU where peter, sirius and james do theatre together and convince remus to do a show :) it's literally one am and i just finished writing this so please please please don't mind any grammar mistakes! i hope y'all enjoy, as a theatre kid myself this comes from a special place in my heart haha.

remus lupin was many things.

he was a straight a student, the head of study club, and the best friend anyone could ask for.

but most importantly, remus lupin was _not_ a theatre kid. he often thought that he would prefer to die before he auditioned for a musical ever again, thank you very much.

mind you, he hadn’t always hated theatre. there had once been a time when that was all he wanted to do, and he spent every second of his life in a studio thinking he was meant for the stage. as he’d gotten older, though, he’d begun to realize how unrealistic that dream was. theatre wasn’t an easy thing to pursue, and he’d learnt that lesson over and over again until it had become too much for him. soon, he was over the rejection, over the constant anxiety, over all of the insecurities. he was done with theatre.

and so he was proud to say that now, as a junior in high school, he hadn’t performed in a show since 7th grade.

he did miss it sometimes, of course. there was something to the chaos that wasn’t there in anything else remus had ever done, something that had made him stay doing what he loved all of those years. theatre was messy, it was challenging, it often pushed him to his breaking point. yet, there was an element of magic in every rehearsal room he’d ever been in that he’d never found anywhere else. maybe it was the people who surrounded him, or the glorious feeling of letting himself go on the stage. but he couldn’t quite place what exactly it was about theatre that he loved so much. he was sure there was a name, but he didn’t care enough to find it. while he did miss theatre, he certainly didn’t miss the absolutely horror of 10 theatre kids harmonizing to hamilton in the hallways of middle school. he could go the rest of his life without ever hearing that again.

apparently it was just his luck that he’d ended up with the three biggest theatre kids in the school as his friends.

remus hadn’t known what he was getting into when he’d sat with them at lunch on the first day of sophomore year. how was he _supposed_ to know? he’d just moved to southern california all the way from new england, and he hadn’t known anyone at his new high school. of _course_ he was going to take their offer to let him sit with them. and then he’d realized far too late into their conversation that these were exactly the type of theatre kids that terrified him, the kind that made him ashamed to say he’d ever done theatre in the first place.

first off, there was james potter: the tenor. as far as remus knew, he was the director’s favorite who got the lead in every show, and from the shows that remus had gone to see him in he was pretty damn good at what he did. but he was that type of theatre boy who would hurt you if you said you didn’t like hamilton (oh god, remus _hated_ hamilton.) and always unconvincingly tried to remind everyone he was straight. to put it quite frankly, no one ever believed him. all remus knew was that he’d never met a straight man who could belt a high b as perfectly as james could. he had to at _least_ be bisexual or something. there was just no way that james was that perfectly good at theatre otherwise.

then there was sirius black: the show stealer. even if remus didn’t do theatre anymore, he had to admit that sirius was the most talented boy he’d ever met. there was something so intriguing about the way he sang, as though it came straight from the heart. remus had actually cried when sirius had performed as melchior in spring awakening - but that was a secret he would take to his grave. when sirius played characters, he wasn’t just acting as them - he _became_ them. remus was secretly always excited when he got invited to see one of sirius’s shows.

and of course, he couldn’t forget peter pettigrew: the sidekick. peter was often overlooked by directors, but he had talents of his own. for one: he was incredibly funny. in almost every role he played, peter tended to be the one who would steal the scene and leave the audience in absolute hysterics. when they’d done the little mermaid and peter had played grimsby, he practically carried the entire show on his back. remus had told him this afterwards, and peter had turned bright red and thanked him quietly, obviously not sure how to take compliments. still, remus’s point stood.

remus thought it crazy that he was friends with them, but their personalities outside of doing theatre were thankfully redeeming qualities. james was incredibly arrogant, but his kindness made up for it, and sirius was as bright as he was talented. peter was quiet, having been bullied throughout most of his elementary school years, but he was one of the best friends you could have ever had if you knew how to talk to him. they were his best mates, and that was something that he wasn’t afraid to admit, even if sirius never stopped singing songs from dear evan hansen. 

sometimes he thought about what would happen if he were to do theatre again. his friends spent so much time convincing him that giving in seemed easier at this point. he knew he could still sing decently if he wanted to, despite not having taken lessons in years, and sometimes audition sign up sheets looked so incredibly tempting. all he’d have to do was write down his name, find a song in his repertoire, and pull up to auditions in a nice outfit. but what if he was disappointed by the outcome? the fear was always in the back of his mind, and so he never did it. he often fantasized about doing shows with the other three boys - they’d offered to sign him up many, many times, and he’d love to see the look on their faces when they realized that he could actually sing. it wasn’t worth it, though. remus had maintained his persona of hating theatre kids so long that it would be incredibly embarrassing to reveal that he was one. he would always feel a bit jealous when he went to watch one of their shows, but remus was determined to _never do theatre again_. there was no way he was going back down that path, not when it was a lost cause.

until one day, when it suddenly wasn’t.

it was sometime in mid-january, after the winter show at his friend’s theatre company had closed. they’d been in a production of newsies, and remus would be lying if he said he hadn’t been utterly impressed by it. he’d had no idea that sirius could tap dance like that, or that peter would make such a good crutchie. then again, his friends never failed to astonish him in what they did. it was one of the things he liked so much about theatre - you were always improving, always growing. each performance turned out to be better than your last. the new show was about to be announced on social media in about five minutes, and his friends had spent the entire lunch refreshing the instagram page.

“i swear to god, you all,” remus said, rolling his eyes at them as he watched them. “reloading the page isn’t gonna make it appear any faster.”

“but they could announce the show at any minute!” sirius whined, looking up from his phone. “i can’t miss it!”

“oh, come on!” remus exclaimed, and he was resisting the urge to sigh. “it’s not like anything bad’ll happen if you don’t see what the show is _exactly_ when it’s announced.”

“come on, moony,” james said, though he set his phone down. moony had been a nickname given to remus the year before, when he’d taken astronomy. it had been a hard class, but one of his favorites. “they’re posting the audition form online when they announce it. we don’t wanna miss that.”

“right. because so many people are so eager to sign up.”

“i heard the show might be grease,” peter piped up from where he was sitting, in an attempt to break the tension. “least that’s what dorcas said.”

“please, dorcas doesn’t know anything,” sirius said, indifferent. “though i guess grease would be fun…”

“well, you’ve got the hair for it,” james laughed, and remus couldn’t disagree with that. a few more minutes passed by of the boys anxiously waiting, remus watching to the side, until suddenly sirius gasped.

“OH MY GOD-”

“NO WAY!” james yelled at the exact same time, causing the other kids in the drama room to look up and stare at them. they didn’t seem to care.

“be more quiet, will you?” remus hissed, though he was peering over sirius’s shoulder. “what’s the show?”

and sirius moved his phone so that remus could see it.

**SHOW ANNOUNCEMENT: BEAUTY AND THE BEAST**

remus’s heart nearly dropped.

he’d loved disney ever since he was little, of course. but beauty and the beast had been his dream show for years upon years. and here he was, with an opportunity to finally do it. of course it had come too late.

“cool,” he pushed the phone back to sirius. “that’s a good one.”

“remus,” james said, turning to him with his mouth open. “did you just admit that you like a show?”

“oh, back off, i never said i did!” remus said, though he was grinning slightly. within the next second, james’s entire mood changed.

“look, i know you have something against theatre kids or whatever, but if you’d ever want me to sign you up for something-”

and in that moment, remus’s decision was made. _fuck it,_ he thought. when would he ever get a chance like this again? “y’know what?” he said in all seriousness. he slid his phone into james’s hands. “sign me up.”

sirius’s jaw dropped. “you’re kidding me,” he said. james simply typed away on remus’s phone for a few moments before handing his phone back, seemingly thrilled that remus had finally agreed to something.

“done. you’ll be going at the same time as us, and you’re gonna get an email with all the audition information soon.”

“do you even know how to _sing_ , lupin?” sirius said, still shocked.

remus shrugged, trying to hide the smirk on his face. “you’ll find out.”

• • •

he took a deep breath as he entered the audition room. no matter how many times he did this, it never got easier, and it didn’t help that his friends would be watching him. at least they’d already gone. that made him a little less nervous. 

james, going for the beast, had sung santa fe from newsies, of course. remus wished that he could say that surprised him, but he’d expected no less. fucking tenors.

sirius, on the other hand, had sung a song from big fish. remus was pretty sure it was called stranger. as always, he’d done a gorgeous job, and even remus had been captivated by his performance despite his nerves. how was it that he was able to do that? the boy had to be magic, or something.

peter, ever the funny one, had sung man up from the book of mormon. remus had watched him from a window that looked into the studio, and had to cover his mouth so that they wouldn’t hear him laughing. it truly wasn’t a more perfect song for him.

watching their auditions had calmed his nerves a little bit, but still, this was his first audition in four years. maybe that was his fault, but it was terrifying. what if the director didn’t like him?

too late to think about that now. he offered the director, a thin, stern woman by the name of minerva, a smile as he made his way to the X in the center of the room. “hello, remus, how are you doing today?” she said pleasantly. 

he nodded at her, careful to ensure that his body language wouldn’t give away his nerves. “i’m doing fine, how are you?” he replied.

“good, thank you,” she said, adjusting her glasses. “whenever you’re ready, you can give us your slate and then start.”

he took a deep breath, trying not to stare at the team of people watching him in the room. _you’ve got this, remus,_ he thought as he spoke, voice loud and clear. “my name is remus lupin, i am 16 years old, and i will be singing out there from hunchback of notre dame.” he nodded at the accompanist in the corner, signaling for him to start.

and then the piano started, and remus was off.

he took a second to think about his moment before, allowing himself to be immersed in his character. he was no longer remus lupin, but instead quasimodo, a boy who had spent all of his life trapped behind walls and longed for even just a moment of freedom.

_“out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives_  
_through the roofs and gables I can see them”_

he let himself smile as he gestured to the outside world, as though he were able to see the wide and beautiful streets of paris. 

_“ev'ry day they shout and scold and go about their lives_  
_heedless of the gift it is to be them”_

he thought of the people that he saw below him, taking every single day they had for granted while he would kill to even have a moment in their shoes.

_“if I was in their skin_  
_i'd treasure ev'ry instant”_

and this was it, he was building up to his grand ending. he completely let go of everything else, throwing all of his doubts and all of his nerves to the side as he allowed himself to just sing his heart out.

_“out there_  
_strolling by the seine_  
_taste a morning out there_  
_like ordinary men”_

he forgot about everyone else in the room, he forgot that he was even singing, and he’d lost himself in the music.

_“who freely walk about there_  
_just one day and then_  
_i swear i'll be content_  
_with my share”_

he’d taken a few steps forward by this point, one hand always pointing to the north, to what was out there. what he’d give for just one moment of seeing it, of seeing the world beyond the walls that had been established.

_“won't resent_  
_won't despair_  
_old and bent_  
_i won't care”_

hell, why had remus ever stopped doing theatre? this was truly one of the best feelings in the world, and getting lost in the melody was something he’d missed more than anything.

_“i'll have spent_  
_one day_  
_out there”_

he held the last note for a long time, though to him it felt like no more than two seconds. and as he stopped to catch his breath, he saw that minerva looked utterly impressed with him.

“wow,” she said after a moment. “thank you, remus. the cast list will be sent out later tonight.”

remus nodded, proud of what he’d achieved. “thank you so much,” he said earnestly, smiling as he left the room.

james, sirius and peter looked at him with a newfound respect. sirius looked like he might pass out.

“bloody hell, moony, why didn’t you tell us you could _sing_?” james said. remus raised an eyebrow.

“bloody hell? what are we, british?” he said, feeling slightly flustered.

“you’re amazing!” peter said, watching both of the boys. sirius still hadn’t said a word, which started to worry remus.

“literally why were you keeping all of this talent from us?”

“come on, guys, i haven’t done theatre in years.”

james’s mouth fell to the floor.

“you’re fucking kidding,” he said. “you did THEATRE?”

“when i was little, yeah,” he said, but james looked more astonished by the fact that he’d ever done it at all.

“okay, well, you’ve gotta tell us all about it. we’re going back to my home to wait for the cast list together, you coming?” james said. remus didn’t hesitate to nod now.

“of course,” he said, grinning slightly. he’d imagined their reactions to this plenty of times before, but this had gone above and beyond his expectations.

“great, okay!” james said, and they all started their walk back to his car.

on the way there, sirius finally spoke, placing a hand on remus’s shoulder. “remus..” he said softly, as though afraid someone else would hear him. “you’re incredible.”

remus’s entire face turned red as he looked at his best friend. “thanks,” he said.

it was good to be back and doing what he loved.

• • •

hours later, remus found himself staring at the cast list both in terror and in gratitude.

no. no. no. there was absolutely no way, no way at all, he told himself, reading the words over and over again. he was dreaming, he had to be. but there the words were, just as intact as ever.

**REMUS LUPIN - BEAST**

the boys shouted their words of congratulations as they looked over the list that had been emailed out themselves, but remus barely heard it over the thumping of his heart.

_fuck,_ he thought, reading the words over and over again as it sunk in.

it was about time for him to become a theatre kid again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part 2 to come soon :)


End file.
